Through The Cracks

I’m 35 years old.

I was just approved for my very first credit card a few months ago. It has a whopping $500 limit. I’ve only held two jobs for longer than a year, both of which were in my 30’s. I currently don’t work. I don’t have a college degree, although I do have the necessary college credits. I’ve never owned or leased a car. All of these are staples of our culture’s definition of success. Hell, some of them could even be called prerequisites. But for me, they’re damn near impossible. Through the typical lens of our society, my accomplishments, or lack thereof, land me neatly in the category of “mediocre-at-best.” This is based on the common assumption that the point is to accumulate stuff, so you can do things; as far as I’ve been able to tell, the quintessential image of American success looks something like this: Go to college. Get a good job. Make money. Buy things. Work 50 hours per week. Get a better job. Make slightly more money. Buy more things. Work 60 hours per week. Get an even better job. Make even more money. Buy more things. Oh yeah, and get married and have kids or whatever, just don’t let them get in the way of working more. When my individual circumstance is taken into account, however, changing lenses accordingly, it becomes clear that my accomplishments are not only plenty, but they are also exceptional. Perhaps I’d do well to provide some background. Hi, hello, my name is Tim. I’m autistic, with multiple co-occurring mental health diagnoses, namely Major Depressive Disorder and ADHD. I’m also a survivor of addiction (I just celebrated my 7th recoversary!). Autism has always made it extraordinarily difficult to live a “normal” life. Truthfully, that’s just me minimizing, because in reality it has rendered it — and this isn’t hyperbole — absolutely, positively, 100% impossible. The day-to-day challenges as a result are pervasive, impacting every aspect of my life.

Here