I Was Addicted to Conditions and You Might be Too
I noticed something about myself, I’d get happy when something good happened, like getting a promotion or if my sports team won a big game. Really, really happy.But then, before I knew it, it would fade away.I’d be back to the same old feelings. Not exactly unhappy but certainly not walking around like a beam of sunshine either. This is how I lived for most of my life. I was waiting for conditions to make me happy.I grew up, like most of us believing that if I did certain things I’d “find happiness.” What those things are will vary a little for everyone. We all have our dreams.Only, when I’d tick those things off my list, I felt good, but I didn’t feel the lasting happiness that I expected. Instead, a lot of things went sideways and I was often in survival mode. How’s that for happiness?I had a lifelong interest in all things spiritual. When things got hard I turned to it with earnest. I knew we created our reality even though I had resisted that, I needed to understand how to fix it.Therein was my problem, trying to fix it. Push, strive, take action.What is required of any of us is to slow down. Even if it’s the pursuit of spiritual practice if you do it with a take-no-prisoners attitude, you are going to miss the message.I learned to make peace with where I was. Even if it was uncomfortable, and it often was. I learned to let go of my need for control. I had to surrender.
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