“ She’s So Ugly” My Lifelong Battle with Feeling Unpretty
The air in the dimly lit living room was filled with the warmth of laughter. The sound of my daddy’s hearty chuckles mingled with the sweet, innocent giggles of my younger siblings. They huddled around him like fireflies drawn to a warm summer night, their eyes wide with wonder as he spun tales and jokes that seemed to them like magic. I watched from the fringes, a little girl of eleven or twelve, yearning to join their luminous circle.Desperate to feel included, I mustered up the courage to laugh, even though I didn’t quite understand the punchline. I joined in with my laughter, its sound resembling one of the hyenas from The Lion King, adding an unusual and somewhat comical twist to the family’s joyous symphony. But then, as quickly as my laughter had emerged, it was silenced by a venomous arrow.My daddy turned his gaze towards me. His jaundiced eyes held a scowl of disdain, and he spoke with cruel words. “Shut yo ugly self up, clown,” he spat, marking the first time he had ever directed such hurtful words at me. Our already strained relationship, which had been brewing since I was six, had reached a new low.The sharp sting of tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked them back, trying to shield my wounded pride. It wasn’t the first time someone had called me ugly, the kids at school were calling me ugly a lot by now, but it was the first time I truly felt it. It was as though those harsh words had etched themselves into the core of my being, triumphantly claiming territory as they embedded themselves within the deepest recesses of my subconscious mind.
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