im thinking about myself

i think about spring when im thinking about myself

i think theyre thinking, can you just go out and make a mess of yourself so i see a movie no one else would ever like. i mostly go alone cause others boredom scares me to death. its always French and pretty long so it gives me time to think of a million other ways id like to be alive. even if its beautiful, which it usually it, i still drift away, at times,when theres a pause. and i wish it was my pause. but im glad that its theirs and im glad that its there beause if i ever wanted it, well, at least i know its available.

every five minutes i want to leave but i tell myself, this what you like. so like it. sometimes i check my notes to see if theres something else.

little taps like-try to love whos loving you -youre sick and its making you about to make a mistake-dont leave because youre scared, youre always scared-think of next year, so you can be here, for next year-dont drink the water. itll only make you more thirsty. i used to have to hurt myself to know that i was more than just a soul. its not that way anymore still sometimes have to stop the stream valve. little listeners from wherever always ready to promise some paradise. their lies are always lovely and one day i might believe…

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